| |
(The tabs go up.
POP is sitting alone on a dark stage, reading a
magazine. He takes out a recording device and
speaks into it) |
| Pop: |
Central state
library, stardate (whatever the date is plus 300
years). I must make haste, for I fear my arrest
is imminent. Although I never discovered the
exact day on which the music died, it is clear
to me that an ancient entertainment phenomenon
known as Pop Idol played a central role. It
seems that the Globalsoft Corporation acquired
the franchise and replaced the human contestants
with computer generated cyber celebrities. With
no cultural stimulation, the kids stopped
caring. Democratic government collapsed - and
the age of GaGa had dawned. |
| |
(A green cage of
laser light appears around POP. KHASHOGGI and
two MINIONS appear behind him) |
| Khashoggi: |
Oh my. Oh my, oh
my, what's this? Do I see a little silhouetto of
a spy? |
| Pop: |
Bummer. |
| Khashoggi: |
Tell me, old man.
Why do you concern yourself so much with what is
past? |
| Pop: |
Because it is only
the past which gives us hope. |
| Khashoggi: |
But you've read the
secret histories. Surely you've learnt that
there is no hope. |
| Pop: |
There is always
hope!
(He waves his arm and burns it in the green
laser)
Hope is our birthright! |
| Khashoggi: |
Then where is it?
Where is this 'hope'? |
| Pop: |
Any way the wind
blows. |
| Khashoggi: |
What do you know of
the term 'living rock'? |
| Pop: |
No more than that
which the legend promises. That salvation is to
be found there, at the place of the champions,
and that a bright, bright star will show the
way! |
| Khashoggi: |
Oh, god, I hate
hippies! Consign this miserable creature to the
Seven Seas of Rhye.
(the MINIONS put an orange helmet on POP's
head) |
| Pop: |
Make love, not war!
(POP and the MINIONS descend into the stage.
KHASHOGGI waits to one side for a moment to
watch the school steps slide on stage, then
leaves. Standing on the steps are three TEACHERS
and the GAGA KIDS) |
| Teachers and Kids: |
We sit alone and
watch your light
Our only friend, through teenage nights
And everything we want to get
We download from the internet
No need to think, no need to feel
When only cyberspace is real
It makes us laugh
It makes us cry
It makes us feel like we can fly
(Globalsoft)
Hope to record our life online
Touch any key, the world is mine
We're lost in space
But we don't care
Without your light our world's not there
Complete control, you are the power
Our lives are programmed by the hour
Globalsoft (Globalsoft)
All we hear is radio Ga Ga
Video Goo Goo
Internet Ga Ga
All we hear is cyberspace Ga Ga
Marketing Blah Blah
Always something new
Globalsoft, all your world loves you
We watch our shows
We watch your stars
Across our screens for hours and hours
We hardly need our eyes or ears
We just log on and dreams appear
(Globalsoft)
We're not alone
We have our friends
On cyber love we can depend
So stick around cos we'd all miss you
We need our graphics
Need our visual
Complete control, you are the power
We use our lives up by the hour
Globalsoft (Globalsoft)
All we hear is radio Ga Ga
Video Goo Goo
Internet Ga Ga
All we hear is cyberspace Ga Ga
Marketing Blah Blah
Always something new
Globalsoft, all your world loves you
Loves you
(GALILEO comes on stage and lurks behind the
pillars) |
| Voice: |
Students of Virtual
High, school's out. Get out there and have some
fun. |
| Gaga Kids: |
Hurrah! Hurrah!
(the KIDS and two of the TEACHERS leave the
stage. One TEACHER remains and addresses
GALILEO) |
| Teacher: |
Hey mate, go out
and celebrate! School's finished - your life is
just beginning! |
| Galileo: |
G-g-good! The
s-s-sooner it begins the s-s-sooner it's over
with. |
| Teacher: |
Oh, come on, mate!
You have so much potential. You could get a job
in any division of Globalsoft you choose, yeah?
How about - music programming! |
| Galileo: |
I don't want to
programme music. I want to make music, real
music, my own music! |
| Teacher: |
Hey mate! Cool it!
Now listen, www/Gordon@theJoneses.com. |
| |
(everyone in the
audience who's even vaguely internet-savvy
cringes) |
| Galileo: |
My name is Galileo
Figaro. |
| Teacher: |
No, nobody is
called Galileo Figaro. Where on Planet Mall did
you come up with that? |
| Galileo: |
I found it. In a
dream. I have these dreams, see….and I hear
noises. Screeching, thudding, b-b-banging
noises….and words. Words just drop into my head.
Too many words. Help - I need somebody.
(GALILEO clutches at TEACHER) Help! Not just
anybody! |
| Teacher: |
I understand. I
feel your pain. But come on, mate! You live in a
perfect world. What more could you possibly
want? |
| Galileo: |
I want to break
free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self-satisfied, I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free
(TEACHER exits, shaking her head)
I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time
In love with a world that's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love
It's strange but it's true
I know I'm different and there's some things I
have to do
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free, baby
Oh yeah, I've got to be free
Oh yeah, I want to break free
This existence is wrong
I can't get used to living without, living
without
Living without hope, it's a lie
I don't want to live alone
God knows, I've got to make it on my own
So people can't you see
God knows I've got to
God knows I need to
God knows I want to break free
|
| |
(green laser
cage appears around GALILEO. KHASHOGGI and
TEACHER enter stage right) |
| Khashoggi: |
You say this boy
wants to make his own music? |
| Teacher: |
Yes. The little
freak says he hears it in his dreams. |
| Khashoggi: |
And he is aware
that music other than that programmed by the
Globalsoft Corporation is illegal? The act of an
individual? |
| Teacher: |
Of course - but he
doesn't care. |
| Khashoggi: |
Has he ever tried
to make a musical instrument? |
| Teacher: |
Once, in technicial
studies. He was caught trying to stretch plastic
string across an empty lunchbox. |
| Khashoggi: |
Did he….pluck it? |
| Teacher: |
Yes, but claims he
didn't know why. |
| Khashoggi: |
I think I shall
have to talk to this boy.
(the green lasers disappear and GALILEO sinks
into the floor) |
| Teacher: |
Goodbye - mate! |
| Khashoggi: |
Are there any other
potential Bohemians in this year's graduation
group, or is he the only one? |
| Teacher: |
I'm sorry to have
to report that there is one other. A repulsive
creature - a girl. |
| |
(SCARAMOUCHE
enters on the school steps stage left, as
KHASHOGGI and TEACHER exit stage right)
|
| Scaramouche: |
I want to break
free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self-satisfied, I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free
(five GAGA GIRLS enter. They're all wearing different colours so
that's how we'll identify them) |
| Purple: |
Check out the
weirdo, girls! |
| Yellow: |
Don't your mum
download you anything decent to wear? |
| Scaramouche: |
I make my own
fashion statements! |
| Purple: |
What's today's
statement, then? 'Hello, I'm a pathetic ugly
little zero?' |
| Blue: |
How will you ever
get with one of the boys from the boyzone
dressed up like some sort of freak? |
| Green: |
You're a disgrace
to the GaGa girls! |
| Scaramouche: |
I ain't no GaGa
girl! And I'm not interested in the kind of
boys-r-us, duh-brain zone-clones you hang out
with! |
| Pink: |
You are such a sad
loner! |
| Scaramouche: |
Well, you sure are
right about that - bitch! |
| GaGas: |
Oooh! |
| Scaramouche: |
Can anybody find
me somebody to love?
(laughter from GAGA GIRLS) |
| Scaramouche: |
Each morning I
get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet (take a look at
yourself)
Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)
Lord, what you doing to me
I spent all my years to believe in you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord
Somebody (somebody), ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love
|
| Purple: |
Somebody to love
you? Yeah, right! |
| Blue: |
Hello! That is SO
not going to happen. |
| Purple: |
Stop daydreaming
and get a virtual life! |
| Scaramouche (&
GaGas): |
I work hard (she
works hard)
Every day of my life
I work till I ache in my bones
At the end (at the end of the day)
I take home my broken heart all on my own
I get down (down) on my knees (knees)
And I start to pray (praise the lord)
Till the tears run down from my eyes (oooh)
Oh somebody (somebody), ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love
Everyday (everyday)
I try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm going crazy
They say I got a lot of water on my brain
I got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe
Yeah!
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat (You just keep losing
and losing!)
I'm OK, I'm all right (she's ok - she's all
right)
And I ain't gonna face no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell (prison
cell)
One day I'm gonna be free, Lord!
(Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love)
Find me, find me oh...
(somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody
Somebody find me somebody to love)
Can anybody find me somebody to love
Somebody to love!
(KHASHOGGI and two MINIONS enter. GAGA GIRLS
scatter and exit) |
| Khashoggi: |
How very touching,
young lady. But surely you understand that the
company loves you. Arrest her.
(the MINIONS grab SCARAMOUCHE and they sink
into the floor. KHASHOGGI leaves. Video screens
come down displaying the words 'GLOBALSOFT
BOARDROOM') |
| Voice: |
Workers of
Globalsoft - junior executives, senior
executives, vice-presidents, presidents,
chairmen, chairwomen, chairtransexuals and
chair-androgynous-artificially-created-lifeforms.
Please prepare to welcome the chief executive
officer of Globalsoft planet-wide -
KillerQueen@Globalsoft.com/theWorld
(audience cringes anew as a chorus of YES
THINGS enters) |
| Yes Things: |
She keeps Moet
et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet
'Let them eat cake' she says
Find me on the internet
A built-in remedy
For Kruschev and Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can't decline
Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice
She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
Recommended at the price
Insatiable in appetite
Wanna try?
(KILLER QUEEN rises through the floor)
|
| Killer Queen: |
To avoid
complications
I never keep the same address
In conversation I email like a baroness
Met a man from China
Went down to Geisha Minah
But then again incidentally
If you're that way inclined
Perfume came virtually from Paris
For cars I couldn't care less
Fastidious and precise
I'm a
|
| + Yes Things: |
Killer Queen
Gunpowder gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime
|
| Killer Queen: |
Drop of a hat
I'm as willing as
Playful as a pussycat
Then momentarily out of action
Temporarily out of gas
To absolutely drive you wild, wild
I'm out to get you
Commander Khashoggi!
(KHASHOGGI enters stage right)
The Globalsoft board and I have been
discussing your recent security memo. We want
answers. Can you hear me? Is the resistance
destroyed? |
| Khashoggi: |
Yes - and no,
ma'am. |
| Killer Queen: |
What? |
| Khashoggi: |
Yes, I can hear
you. No, the resistance is not destroyed. |
| Killer Queen: |
Well, what of the
old librarian you've been torturing? Do you take
the text that he discovered seriously? |
| Khashoggi: |
Yes, ma'am, I'm
afraid I do.
(shocked gasp from YES THINGS. Raised eyebrow
from KILLER QUEEN)
The legend clearly stated that musical
instruments still exist somewhere on Planet
Mall, at the place of champions, hidden within
the living rock. |
| Killer Queen: |
But which rock, and
where? The whole damn planet's a rock, if you
didn't know! |
| Yes Things: |
Ha ha! |
| Killer Queen: |
And what of this
shining star that is supposed to guide us? I
have had the company's finest astronomers
combing the heavens for months. There is no new
star! |
| Khashoggi: |
Not that we've
spotted, ma'am, certainly. |
| Killer Queen: |
Well, star or no
star, I intend to blast every rock on Planet
Mall to smithereens, just in case! Stonehenge.
Mount Rushmore. The famed Victoria Beckham Belly
Button Diamond. If these grim tools of freedom
do exist, I shall find them!
(synchronised double clap from YES THINGS)
|
| Khashoggi: |
As always, ma'am,
you leave me limp with excitement.
(he leaves) |
| Killer Queen: |
And now, let us
return to the real business of Globalsoft. The
business of the complete appropriation of the
imagination of every kid on Planet Mall. Take a
memo! Email to all consumers planetwide. 'Dear
everybody in the world - get online you pleasure
seekers, and download the Killer Queen!'
Open up your mind and let me step inside
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide
It's so easy when you know the rules
It's so easy all you have to do is fall in love
Play the game
Everybody play the game of love
When you're feeling down and your resistance is
low
Take a cyber-shopping trip and let yourself go
Give me your life
Don't play hard to get
It's a free world
All you have to do is fall in love
Play the game
Everybody play the game of love
My game of love has just begun
Love runs from my head down to your toes
My love is pumping through your veins
(Play the game)
Driving you insane
Come, come, play the game
Play the game, play the game, play the game
(the rotaty bit rotates. It looks cool so I
thought I'd mention it)
This is your life - don't play hard to get
It's a free free world
All you have to do is fall in love
Play the game
Everybody play the game of love
Of love, of love, of love, of love
(Fade to black. Exit KILLER QUEEN and YES
THINGS. Lights up to reveal GALILEO, seated in
the green laser cage, and KHASHOGGI and two
MINIONS standing behind him) |
| Khashoggi: |
We found your
laptop, boy. And read the notes you keep. |
| Galileo: |
So pigs can read!
You'll be flying next. |
| Khashoggi: |
What does
'a-wop-bop-a-loo-bop, a-lop-bam-boo' mean? |
| Galileo: |
Isn't it obvious?
It means 'a-wop-bop-a-loo-bop,
a-lop-b-b-bam-boo'. |
| Khashoggi: |
Do you really have
a girl named Daisy who almost drives you crazy? |
| Galileo: |
Of course! And she
knows how to love me, yes indeed, you don't know
what she's doin' to me… |
| Khashoggi: |
Then where is she?
What is her email address? How does she love
you? How does she drive you crazy? Is she a drug
pusher? |
| Galileo: |
You're madder than
I am, pig! There is no girl named Daisy! I wish
there was….I just wrote it, that's all. It
appeared in my head! |
| Khashoggi: |
Don't play games
with me, boy! I'll make you wish you'd never
been born! |
| Galileo: |
Don't you think I
wish that every day? |
| Minion 1: |
Where is Penny
Lane? |
| Minion 2: |
What are the
Strawberry Fields? |
| Khashoggi: |
'Under ground, over
ground, wombling free'. What means this dark and
cryptic text, boy? |
| Galileo: |
I wish I knew! Oh,
sweet mother, I wish I knew….
(KHASHOGGI gestures and the 'cage' round
GALILEO disappears) |
| Khashoggi: |
Tell me, Galileo,
do you know what a 'bohemian' is? |
| Galileo: |
Haven't you got it
yet? I don't know what anything is! |
| Khashoggi: |
Excellent,
excellent! I think I've found you just in time!
(more MINIONS appear at the back of the
stage, wheeling a gurney) |
| Minion 1: |
The Seven Seas of
Rhye, Commander? |
| Khashoggi: |
No, not yet.
Eventually, yes. But first I think this boy may
have his uses!
(the MINIONS pick GALILEO up, sit him on the
gurney, and wheel it off)
Khashoggi to Killer Queen!
(the video screen descends, depicting KILLER
QUEEN. Hands are primping her hair) |
| Killer Queen: |
Yes, Commander? |
| Khashoggi: |
Good news, ma'am! |
| Killer Queen: |
It had better be;
I'm having my hair done. (to one side)
Get me a skinny latte! (hands disappear)
So? |
| Khashoggi: |
I believe the last
of the remaining rebels will soon be within my
clutches, ma'am! |
| Killer Queen: |
Then you must crush
them without mercy! |
| Khashoggi: |
My, my, ma'am, you
are an eager beaver. |
| Killer Queen: |
Just leave my eager
beaver out of this! We were discussing the
rebels. |
| Khashoggi: |
Yes. The last thing
we want to do is worry the GaGa kids.
Particularly now, with summer upon us once more. |
| Killer Queen: |
There are no
seasons in the virtual world, Commander! |
| Khashoggi: |
Not online, ma'am,
but sadly the physical world still exists. It's
hot out there - hot, and edgy. The rivers are
drying up, the lakes are evaporating, and
resistance is growing. |
| Killer Queen: |
The bohemians! |
| Khashoggi: |
But of course,
ma'am! |
| Killer Queen: |
Who are these
people? What do they want? |
| Khashoggi: |
Oh, they want it
all, ma'am, and they want it now. They want
their 'rhapsody'. |
| Killer Queen: |
That is a
prescribed word, Commander! No such state of
being exists! |
| Khashoggi: |
Not yet - |
| Killer Queen: |
Not ever! The
bohemian rhapsody is a myth! A myth, do you hear
me? Have you not reported that the euphoria they
seek can only be unleashed through music? Real,
live music? |
| Khashoggi: |
That is certainly
what they believe, ma'am. |
| Killer Queen: |
Then there will be
no rhapsody! For there are no instruments left
on Planet Mall! And the kids will never, ever
make their own music again!!
(evil laughter. Intro to 'Death on Two Legs'
plays. The video screen ascends and KHASHOGGI
exits. MINIONS wheel on two gurneys and depart.
GALILEO is lying on one (stage left) and
SCARAMOUCHE on the other (stage right). They are
toe to toe, lying down with bandages round their
heads. They see each other and sit up) |
| Galileo: |
Hey! G-g-gaGa girl!
Who are you? |
| Scaramouche: |
I ain't no GaGa
girl! And I don't answer questions. Who're you? |
| Galileo: |
I'm - I don't know
who I am. But my name is Galileo Figaro. |
| Scaramouche: |
Cool name. |
| Galileo: |
Thank you! |
| Scaramouche: |
I wasn't being
serious. Mind if I shorten it? |
| Galileo: |
Well, I suppose
'Galileo' would be - |
| Scaramouche: |
So, Gazza, tell me,
why were you arrested? |
| Galileo: |
Well, because I
hear sounds in my head. Words and sounds. I'm
mad, you see. |
| Scaramouche: |
I was arrested
because they don't like the way I dress! |
| Galileo: |
I think you dress
beautifully. |
| Scaramouche: |
That's nice. 'Cept
coming from a self-confessed nutter, not. So
what sounds do you hear? |
| Galileo: |
I don't know - |
| Scaramouche: |
Do you know
anything? |
| Galileo: |
Yes, I - I know I'm
different! That's why the boys in the boyzone
hate me. |
| Scaramouche: |
The GaGa girls hate
me. |
| Galileo: |
Well, do you know
why they hate you? |
| Scaramouche: |
Yeah, they think
I'm a lesbian because I don't wear pastels. |
| Galileo: |
No, they hate you
because they're scared of you. Because you're
different - you're an individual. |
| Scaramouche: |
What do you think
they did to us? |
| Galileo: |
I don't know! |
| Scaramouche: |
Do you think
they'll ever give up? And just leave us alone? |
| Galileo: |
Don't you see?
We're a threat! A virus on their hard drive. And
they won't give up until they've pointed their
little arrow at us… |
| Scaramouche: |
…and dragged us to
trash! |
| Both: |
Pressure!
Pushing down on me
Pressing down on you, no man ask for
Under pressure |
| Galileo: |
That brings a
building down
Splits a family in two |
| Scaramouche: |
Puts people on
streets
Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be |
| Galileo: |
De day oh
Ee day oh |
| Scaramouche: |
That's okay |
| Galileo: |
It's the terror
of knowing what this world is about |
| Scaramouche: |
Watching some
good friends screaming |
| Both: |
Let me out! |
| Galileo: |
Pray tomorrow
gets me higher |
| Both: |
Pressure on
people, people on streets |
| Galileo: |
Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba |
| Scaramouche: |
Okay |
| Galileo: |
Chippin' around
- kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets - ee da de da de
People on streets - ee da de da de da de da
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends screaming |
| Both: |
Let me out! |
| Galileo: |
Pray tomorrow
gets me higher and higher |
| Scaramouche: |
Pressure on
people, people on streets |
| Both: |
Turned away from
it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work |
| Galileo: |
Keep coming up
with love but it's all slashed and torn |
| Scaramouche: |
Why - why - why?
(they leap off the gurneys, push them off
stage, and rip the bandages from their heads)
Love love love love
|
| Galileo: |
Insanity laughs
under pressure we're cracking |
| Scaramouche: |
Can't we give
ourselves one more chance |
| Galileo: |
Why can't we
give love that one more chance |
| Scaramouche: |
Why can't we
give love, give love, give love, give love
Give love, give love, give love, give love, give
love |
| Galileo: |
'Cause love's
such an old-fashioned word |
| Both: |
And love dares
you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
(they are now at opposite sides of the stage.
They turn and start to walk towards each other)
And loves dares you to change our way
Of caring about ourselves
This is our last chance
This is our last dance
|
| Galileo: |
This is
ourselves |
| Scaramouche: |
Under pressure |
| Both: |
Under pressure
(standing face to face, they almost kiss
but turn away at the last moment)
Pressure |
| Scaramouche: |
So - where do we
go? |
| Galileo: |
Well - out into the
night! Out into the streets! We're rebels now!
'Cause baby, we were born to run! |
| Scaramouche: |
Don't call me baby! |
| Galileo: |
I'm sorry, it was
just a phrase I heard in my head - |
| Scaramouche: |
Yeah? Keep it
there.
(they leave. A video screen descends, showing
a TV PRESENTER standing in front of Stonehenge)
|
| Presenter: |
Stonehenge. Ancient
monument to antiquity. Constant and unchanging,
its mighty rocks will stand forever -
(Stonehenge explodes, throwing the PRESENTER
to one side and off-camera. KILLER QUEEN and
KHASHOGGI enters stage right) |
| Khashoggi: |
We've searched the
rubble, ma'am. And what's more, no instruments
were found. |
| Killer Queen: |
Then we've won,
Khashoggi. The bohemians will never achieve
their rhapsody. |
| Khashoggi: |
With respect,
ma'am, the bohemians remain dangerous. All they
need is a leader, that's all it takes. One young
rebel, one crazy kid with a dream, a guitar, and
a bad-arsed babe to fight for. |
| Killer Queen: |
Could such a hero
exist? |
| Khashoggi: |
Oh, but he does
already, ma'am. He just doesn't know it yet. He
doesn't know himself at all. But I don't know,
I've always had a talent for spotting potential. |
| Killer Queen: |
And crushing it! |
| Khashoggi: |
Well, that is my
job, ma'am! And with the last dream
extinguished, there'll be nothing left on Planet
Mall but entirely untrammelled marketing, and
completely uncritical consumers. You put them
together and what do you get? |
| Killer Queen: |
Alchemy, Khashoggi!
Pure alchemy!
One dream, one soul
One prize, one goal
One golden glance of what should be
(enter chorus of YES THINGS) |
| Yes Things: |
It's a kind of
magic |
| Khashoggi: |
One shaft of
light that shows the way
No mortal man can win the day |
| Yes Things: |
It's a kind of
magic |
| Khashoggi: |
The bell that
rings inside your mind
Is challenging the doors of time |
| Killer Queen: |
The waiting
seems eternity
The day has dawned of sanity
Is this a kind of magic? |
| Yes Things: |
It's a kind of
magic |
| Both: |
There can't be
only one
This reign will last a thousand years
We will live on |
| Killer Queen: |
This flame that
burns inside of me
I'm hearing secret harmonies |
| Yes Things: |
It's a kind of
magic |
| Killer Queen: |
There rings a
bell inside your mind |
| Both: |
We're
challenging the doors of time
(rotaty thing does its stuff) |
| Yes Things: |
It's a kind of
magic
It's a kind of magic |
| All: |
This is (this
is) a kind (a kind) of magic (yeah)
There can't be only one
This - - - - that - - - - a thousand years
Will soon be done
Now we are one!
(fade to black. Stage clears. We hear voices
from off stage) |
| Brit: |
It's pretty clear
up there, Meat! |
| Meat: |
Are you sure the
cops have gone? |
| Brit: |
I'm going up to the
surface! |
| Meat: |
Be careful - I'm
coming up too! |
| Brit: |
No!
(The backdrop is now of a field of
streetlamps and there is a broken van to stage
right. BRIT enters through a trapdoor stage
right. MEAT enters through a trapdoor stage
left. BRIT crosses to MEAT)
You are so stubborn! |
| Meat: |
Yeah - but that's
what you love about me! |
| Brit: |
So, what we got?
(MEAT drops a rucksack on the ground)
|
| Meat: |
Not much. It's
mainly plastics and hydrocarbons. But, we got a
sheet of tin that we can wobble. Some pebbles
that make a nice rattle, and a bottle we can
blow across, and a piece of wire to twang. |
| Brit: |
Sweet, sweet music!
If only we could find another bit of wood to
bang against the one we've got. |
| Meat: |
Yeah!
(she throws her arms round him, then backs
off and puts her hands on her hips)
Oh, you naughty boy! I think I've found a
piece of wood right here! |
| Brit: |
Oh yeah! No. Your
job is to take this stuff back to the
Heartbreak. |
| Meat: |
But Brit - |
| Brit: |
No. I travel alone.
You know that. How can I do the things I have to
do, if all I'm thinking about is you? |
| Meat: |
Sometimes I wish
you didn't care so much about this stuff.
Sometimes I wish we'd never even heard of 'the
vibe'. |
| Brit: |
You don't mean
that! |
| Meat: |
No, I suppose not.
But I miss you so much, baby - it's tougher
every time you go away. |
| Brit: |
I'll be back - I
always come back! And one day, I'll bring the
Dreamer with me. |
| Meat: |
Sometimes I think
it's us that's dreaming. Perhaps the music
really did die. |
| Brit: |
It's only sleeping,
babes! It's in a deep, deep sleep. It won't be
me that wakes it - but one day, I'll find the
man who can. And if I could just find it, that
lost vibe, then we could share our love with the
whole world! And you know what we get then,
don't you babes? We get it all!
Adventure seeker on an empty street
Just an alley creeper, light on his feet
A young fighter screaming, with no time for
doubt
With the pain and anger I can't see a way out
It ain't much I'm asking, I heard him say
Gotta find me a future move out of my way
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and
I want it now |
| Both: |
I want it all, I
want it all, I want it all, and I want it now |
| Meat: |
Listen all you
people, come gather round
I'm gonna get me a game plan
Gonna shake you to the ground
But just give me what I know is mine
People do you hear me, just gimme the sign
It ain't much I'm asking, if you want the
truth
Here's to the future hear the cry of youth |
| Both: |
I want it all, I
want it all, I want it all, and I want it now
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all |
| Meat: |
And I want it
now! |
| Brit: |
I'm a man with a
one track mind
So much to do in one lifetime
People do you hear me |
| Meat: |
Not a man for
compromise
And wheres and whys and living lies |
| Brit: |
So I'm living it
all |
| Meat: |
Yes I'm living
it all |
| Brit: |
And I'm giving
it all |
| Meat: |
And I'm giving
it all |
| Both: |
I want it all, I
want it all, I want it all, and I want it now
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and
I want it now
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and
I want it now
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and
I want it
I want it, I want it, I want it now
I want it all!
(we hear voices off stage. BRIT and MEAT hide
behind the van. GALILEO and SCARAMOUCHE enter
from the back of the stage. GALILEO is jumping
about enthusiastically, SCARAMOUCHE is just
mooching along) |
| Galileo: |
My whole life, I
mean all my life, I've always known that I had
some kind of purpose, y'know, some special
destiny! That has to mean something, surely. |
| Scaramouche: |
Oh, it does. That
you're a self-important, arrogant arsehole.
Fine - what 'special destiny'? |
| Galileo: |
It has to do with
the stuff I dream. The voices - they always come
back to the same thing. Well - I see a big, wide
space. And people - people everywhere. And noise
- huge, huge noise! And then - then come the
words. |
| Scaramouche: |
Ooh, what words?
(sarcastic) |
| Galileo: |
'Seek out the place
of living rock. A bright, bright star will lead
the way. Go to where the champions played!' |
| Scaramouche: |
Sounds like
bollocks to me. |
| Galileo: |
Hey! Y'know, I
dreamed a name for you too, I think. |
| Scaramouche: |
How could you do
that? I mean, you only met me today. |
| Galileo: |
Yes, but I always
knew I'd meet you. I always knew there was
another rebel rebel out there, another wild
thing. |
| Scaramouche: |
Okay - so what do
you want to call me? |
| Galileo: |
Scaramouche. |
| Scaramouche: |
Scaramouche? Isn't
that bit - sort of - crap? |
| Galileo: |
Well, I did dream
some others, but frankly I thought it was the
best. |
| Scaramouche: |
What were the
others? |
| Galileo: |
Long tall Sally.
Honky-tonk woman. Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Or fat-bottomed girl. |
| Scaramouche: |
Okay, I'll take
Scaramouche. Scaramouche! Actually, I quite like
it. Sounds kinda anarchic. It's almost like what
I think they used to call a 'tune'. |
| Galileo: |
A tune? Yeah…
Scaramouche, Scaramouche - will you do the
fandango? |
| Scaramouche: |
You trying to get
in my pants? |
| Galileo: |
No! |
| Scaramouche: |
What's doing the
fandango? |
| Galileo: |
I think perhaps
it's dancing. |
| Scaramouche: |
You mean like GaGa
moves? Excuse me while I puke. Globalsoft write
the songs, then work out the steps, and every
kid on Planet Mall does exactly the same thing. |
| Galileo: |
No - I think that
there was a time when dancing wasn't like that.
When it was more free. You know? Kind of
individually expressive.
(GALILEO dances, allegedly) |
| Scaramouche: |
I don't think I've
ever seen anything quite so embarassing in my
life. |
| Galileo: |
Well, it looks
better when I'm holding a tennis racket. |
| Scaramouche: |
It would have to! |
| Galileo: |
Look. Maybe doing
the fandango is just about being friends. |
| Scaramouche: |
Friends? Well, I
never had a friend. |
| Galileo: |
You amaze me. |
| Scaramouche: |
I always thought
I'd quite like one, though. |
| Galileo: |
So, we are friends
then? |
| Scaramouche: |
If you want. |
| Galileo: |
Oh, I do, I really
do! |
| Scaramouche: |
Okay - so we're
friends. |
| Galileo: |
This is so cool! |
| Scaramouche: |
As long as you
promise to work on your dancing. |
| Meat: |
Let's get them!
(MEAT and BRIT run out from behind the van.
BRIT grabs GALILEO and shoves him against the
side of the van. MEAT tries to grab SCARAMOUCHE
but has less success) |
| Meat: |
Quick, bitch!
Where'd your boyfriend get those words? |
| Scaramouche: |
What words? |
| Meat: |
He calls you
Scaramouche! He's read the fragments, he knows
the holy texts! |
| Galileo: |
I don't know any
holy texts, I don't know what you're talking
about! |
| Brit: |
Long tall Sally!
Honky-tonk woman! The words, man, the words from
the past! |
| Meat: |
You've seen the
fragments - you've been to the Heartbreak Hotel!
You're a spy! |
| Galileo: |
No, I said I don't
know what you're talking about, I hear these
words in my head, that's all! |
| Brit: |
Who are you? |
| Galileo: |
I don't know! Why
do people keep asking me that? I am the walrus!
This is Major Tom to Ground Control. Can you
hear the drums, Fernando? I am the dancing
queen! |
| Brit: |
You just hear these
holy words, in your head? |
| Galileo: |
Yes! I don't know
where they come from! It's driving me mad, all
these phrases and sounds, just stupid, useless
phrases….I mean, what the hell is a tambourine
man? What's the story, morning glory? Who WAS
the real Slim Shady? It's torture! But all I
know, and I don't even know why I know it, is
that I really, really, really wanna
zig-a-zig-ah. |
| Brit: |
Meat, I think we've
found him! This dude's the one! He's the man! |
| Meat: |
I say he's a spy! |
| Brit: |
No! He's the
Dreamer! The one we've been waiting for! |
| Meat: |
Then test him! And
his chick! |
| Scaramouche: |
His 'chick'? What
am I now, poultry? |
| Meat: |
Test him! |
| Brit: |
Mama, just
killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
(BRIT points at GALILEO, who hesitates before
continuing) |
| Galileo: |
Mama, life had
just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
|
| Brit: |
He knows the text -
but he's never read it! He's the man! |
| Meat: |
But what does it
mean? Tell us! Who is Mama, who's been killed,
why has it all been thrown away? |
| Galileo: |
I don't know! |
| Meat: |
We've been
searching for the meaning all our lives! |
| Galileo: |
I said, I don't
know, I see these things in my mind, that's all!
Mama, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh -
(MEAT and BRIT grab him to shut him up)
|
| Brit: |
You have to come
with us. |
| Meat: |
Not her. We don't
need her. |
| Galileo: |
Hey, I'm not going
anywhere without Scaramouche. |
| Scaramouche: |
Who says I want to
go anywhere? These people could be killers! |
| Brit: |
We are, baby!
Killers, thrillers, and bizmillahs! |
| Meat: |
We're the
resistance - the last hope! |
| Brit: |
We are the
bohemians! |
| Meat: |
And now you have a
choice. Are you ready to break free? |
| Brit: |
Do you want it all? |
| Meat: |
To be a shooting
star, a tiger? |
| Brit: |
Defying the laws of
gravity! |
| Meat: |
Are you ready to be
champions! |
| Scaramouche: |
Nah, sounds a bit
boring if you ask me. |
| Galileo: |
What? |
| Scaramouche: |
I'm joking, Gazza,
of course I want to go! |
| Brit: |
Then understand
this! If you come with us, if you join the
bohemians, there's no going back to GaGa land.
You'll be an outcast, forever, no longer a
member of the consuman race. |
| Scaramouche: |
Sounds perfect.
Let's go! |
| Meat: |
And you're
rushing headlong, you've got a new goal
And you're rushing headlong out of control |
| Brit: |
And you think
you're so strong
But there ain't no stopping and there's nothin'
You can do about it |
| Both: |
Woo! There's
nothin' you can do
No there's nothin' you can do about it |
| Brit: |
No there's
nothing you can |
| Galileo: |
Nothing you can |
| Scaramouche: |
Nothing you can |
| Meat: |
Do about it |
| All: |
And you're
rushing headlong you've got a new goal
And you're rushing headlong out of control
And you think you're so strong
But there ain't no stopping |
| Galileo &
Scaramouche: |
And there's
nothing you can do about it |
| Meat: |
He used to be a
man with a stick in his hand |
| All: |
Oop diddy diddy,
oop diddy doo |
| Brit: |
She used to be a
woman with a hot dog stand |
| All: |
Oop diddy diddy,
oop diddy doo |
| Meat: |
Now you've got
soup in the laundry bag |
| Brit: |
Now you've got
strings, you're gonna lose your rag |
| Meat: |
You're gettin'
in a fight and it ain't so groovy |
| Brit: |
When you're
screaming in the night
Let me out of this cheap B-movie |
| All: |
Headlong down
the highway
And you're rushing headlong out of control
And you think you're so strong
But there ain't no stopping |
| Meat: |
And you can't
stop rockin' |
| All: |
And there's
nothin' you can, nothin' you can
Nothin' you can do about it
|
| Scaramouche: |
Where're we going? |
| Meat: |
We're going down!
(the van and the streetlamps disappear. A
collage of sweet, fast food and clothing logos
scrolls up and the Heartbreak Hotel forms at the
back of the stage as the song continues)
|
| Galileo: |
When a red hot
man meets a white hot lady |
| All: |
Oop diddy diddy,
oop diddy doo |
| Scaramouche: |
Soon the fire
starts to burn and gets 'em more than half crazy |
| All: |
Oop diddy diddy,
oop diddy doo |
| Galileo: |
Oh, now they
start freaking everywhere you turn
You can't start walking 'cos your feet got
burned |
| Meat: |
It ain't no time
to figure wrong from right
Cause reasons out the window, better hold on
tight |
| All: |
Headlong down
the highway
And you're rushing headlong, out of control
And you think you're so strong
But there ain't no stopping and there's |
| Brit: |
Nothing |
| Meat: |
Nothing |
| Galileo: |
Nothing |
| Scaramouche: |
Nothing |
| All: |
Nothing you can,
nothing you can
Nothing you can do about it
Headlong! |
| Brit: |
Welcome to the
Heartbreak Hotel!
(the Heartbreak Hotel turns out to be the
old, broken down Tottenham Court Road tube
station. Other BOHEMIANS come on stage)
|
| Big Macca: |
Who're these two,
Brit? |
| Brit: |
I think I've found
him. The one we've been waiting for. |
| Big Macca: |
The Dreamer? Just
because he has a leather jacket does not make
him the wild one. Looks like a clone from the
'zone to me. |
| Brit: |
He calls himself
Galileo. |
| Big Macca: |
Galileo? Then he
must have seen the texts! He's a spy! |
| Meat: |
That's what I said!
(BOHEMIANS head towards GALILEO,
threateningly) |
| Brit: |
Look, anyone who
wants to kill the dude has to come past me!
(the BOHEMIANS are suitably scared, and back
off)
He hasn't seen the texts. How could he? We
guard them with our lives! |
| Meat: |
He says he dreams
the words. |
| Brit: |
He calls the chick
Scaramouche. |
| Scaramouche: |
What is this chick
business? Do I have feathers? Do I lay eggs? |
| Big Macca: |
Hey! Baby! We
believe there was a time, when if a cool dude
wished to refer to his red hot momma, he would
use the term 'chick'. It was a mark of respect.
Second only to 'bitch'. |
| Scaramouche: |
Something tells me
you've got that wrong. |
| Big Macca: |
Well, well, we're
getting off the point here. The point is that
this dude is a spy. |
| Galileo: |
I don't know what
you're talking about! I didn't ask to be brought
here! I don't know who you people are, or
anything about your stupid texts! |
| Brit: |
Look, he just knows
the stuff! It's in his head! |
| Galileo: |
What are these
texts, anyway? |
| Big Macca: |
Just fragments,
nothing more. Stuff that we, and other bohemians
across the Global Shopping Precinct have found. |
| Aretha (?): |
Yeah, tons of
stuff. Magazines - |
| Scaramouche: |
What? Mag-a-zines? |
| Big Macca: |
They were like
websites, but made of paper. You could touch
them. And posters, which were weird, static
commercials, stuck to walls. We take our names
from these clues to the age of rock. |
| Aretha: |
I'm Aretha. |
| Big Macca: |
And I am Paul
McCartney. They call me Big Macca. |
| Meat: |
I'm Meat. Meatloaf. |
| Madonna: |
I'm Madonna. |
| Prince: |
They call me
Prince. |
| Cliff: |
I'm Cliff Richard. |
| Jackson 5: |
Jackson Five. |
| Bob: |
And I'm Bob. Bob
the poet; Bob the rebel; Bob the prophet - I am
Bob the Builder. |
| Galileo: |
And who are you?
(to BRIT) |
| Brit: |
Me? I'm the
biggest, baddest, meanest, nastiest, ugliest,
most raging, rapping, rock'n'roll, sick, punk,
heavy metal psycho bastard that ever got
get-down funky. They call me - Britney Spears. |
| Galileo: |
And what is this
place, this Heartbreak Hotel? |
| Big Macca: |
It's a rebel base!
The last free-thinking zone on Planet Mall! |
| Scaramouche: |
But how'd you get
all this great stuff? |
| Meat: |
We find it! We're
scavengers. There's tons of it if you know where
to look. Here, help yourself if you like.
(indicating a shopping cart full of clothes) |
| Scaramouche: |
Like? I used to
dream about getting my hands on gear like this! |
| Meat: |
Well, get some on
you! You're a bohemian now! |
| Scaramouche: |
Ooh, what do you
think about a red corset? |
| Meat: |
Oh, that is so you
- |
| Big Macca: |
Girls, please! I am
talking to the man! |
| Meat: |
Makes a change from
talking out of your bum. (to SCARAMOUCHE)
Go on, hen, there's loads back there.
(SCARAMOUCHE exits) |
| Big Macca: |
As I was saying.
This is a rebel base. But it is also a shrine. A
shrine to everything we believe in. And, a place
to remember the long dead king. |
| Galileo: |
What king? |
| Big Macca: |
Little is known
about him, except that his name was Pelvis. A
kid from nowhere, who sang like an angel, and
danced like the devil. A teenage truck driver
who broke free to become a mighty rebel - a
rebel that spawned a thousand rebels! |
| Prince: |
But he was too
wild, too free. And when he wiggled his hips he
made the kids feel good about themselves! So
they took him and they cut off his hair. |
| Big Macca: |
They shaved off his
cool, greasy, standup quiff, like he was a
convict… |
| Prince: |
…and they put him
in the army. |
| Aretha: |
Then they
humiliated him. The king was forced to make
foolish movies, singing nursery rhymes to gangs
of grinning children. He was ashamed. It broke
his spirit. He took refuge in drugs, pills and
fast food. |
| Big Macca: |
Just like a million
kids that followed. The king was dead, and many
kings and heroes died thereafter. Their songs
are lost, but their names live on. We remember
the ones that died young. Buddy Holly. Jimi
Hendrix. |
| Aretha: |
Kurt Cobain. |
| Bob: |
Janis Joplin. |
| Prince: |
Jim Morrisson. |
| Big Macca: |
Bob Marley. John
Lennon. |
| Meat: |
Freddy…
A hand above the water
An angel reaching for the sky
Is it raining in Heaven
Do you want us to cry
And everywhere the broken-hearted
On every lonely avenue
No one could reach them
No one but you
One by one
Only the good die young
They're only flying to close to the sun
Life goes on
Without you
Another tricky situation
I get to drowning in the blues
And I find myself thinking
What would you do?
Yes, it was such an operation
Forever paying every due
Hell, you made a sensation (sensation!)
You found a way through (found a way through)
|
| All: |
And one by one
Only the good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun |
| Meat: |
We'll remember,
forever
And now the party must be over
I guess we'll never understand
The sense of your leaving
Was it the way it was planned?
And so we grace another table
And raise our glasses one more time
There's a face at the window
And I ain't never, never saying goodbye
|
| All: |
One by one
Only the good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun |
| Meat: |
Crying for
nothing
Crying for no one
No one but you |
| Galileo: |
So - you mean all
those heroes died for rock'n'roll? But what is
rock'n'roll? |
| Brit: |
Gazza, baby!
Rock'n'roll is anything you want it to be! |
| Cliff: |
It's sex! |
| Prince: |
It's style! |
| Brit: |
It's rebellion! |
| Big Macca: |
It's freedom! |
| Galileo: |
Yes, but - what
actually is it? |
| Big Macca: |
We don't know.
(enter SCARAMOUCHE, newly attired) |
| Scaramouche: |
Ta da! |
| Meat: |
Hey, this girl has
taste! |
| Scaramouche: |
What do you mean?
It's all your stuff! |
| Meat: |
Yeah, but it's all
about the combinations! Isn't that right,
Prince? |
| Prince: |
Right! Exactly! |
| Big Macca: |
People, please! I'm
talking to the man! |
| Brit: |
You tell 'em, Big
Macca! |
| Big Macca: |
All we know is that
there came a day when rock'n'roll - died. But,
we all believe that in time, there will come a
man who carries the past within him. Someone who
can remember. Somewhere on Planet Mall there are
instruments, there must be. If Britney is right,
you are the man who can find them. |
| Galileo: |
But I don't even
know what they look like! |
| Brit: |
I do!
(BRIT goes off stage and returns with an
instrument made out of a tea chest, a pole and
some wire)
I've been working on this for months! Can't
play it though.
(another bohemian takes it and plucks a few
notes)
Sweet, sweet noise! And when you get that
vibe, all you need is your baby! You see,
Galileo, what passes for music these days is
only created for money, which is why it has no
soul. But when rock'n'roll started, do you know
why they did it? |
| Galileo: |
No, why? |
| Brit: |
They did it for
their babies, of course! They did it for a crazy
little thing called love! Oh yeah!
This thing called love I just can't handle it |
| Meat: |
This thing
called love I must get round to it |
| Brit: |
I ain't ready |
| Both: |
Crazy little
thing called love |
| Meat: |
This thing (this
thing)
Called love (called love)
It cries (like a baby)
In a cradle all night |
| Brit: |
It swings (woo
woo)
It jives (woo woo)
It shakes all over like a jelly fish |
| Both: |
I kinda like it
Crazy little thing called love |
| Brit: |
There goes my
baby
She knows how to rock 'n' roll
She drives me crazy
She gives me hot and cold fever
She leaves me in a cool cool sweat
Oh yeah
I gotta be cool, relax, get hip
And get on my tracks
Take a back seat, hitchhike
Take a long ride on my motorbike
Until I'm ready
Crazy little thing called love |
| Galileo: |
I gotta be cool,
relax, get hip
And get on my tracks |
| Scaramouche: |
Take a back seat |
| Galileo: |
Hitchhike |
| Scaramouche: |
And take a long
ride on my motorbike |
| All: |
Until I'm ready
Crazy little thing called love
This thing called love I just can't handle it
This thing called love I must get round to it
I ain't ready
Crazy little thing called love
Crazy little thing called love
Crazy little thing called love
Crazy little thing called love
Crazy little thing called love
Crazy little thing called love
Crazy little thing called love
Crazy little thing called love
Oh yeah!
(sirens sound. KHASHOGGI and several COPS
appear in and around the Heartbreak) |
| Khashoggi: |
Oh yeah indeed. So
finally I'm checking into the Heartbreak Hotel.
So, Mr McCartney, I say hello, and you say
goodbye… |
| Brit: |
No! You'll never
take the Dreamer while I'm alive!
(Fight, to the intro of 'Ogre Battle'. The
COPs herd the BOHEMIANS off, and fight BRIT, who
collapses to the floor. Lights out, safety
curtain down, house lights up for the interval) |
